Karate Kid: Legends review: Awful Ralph Macchio and Jackie Chan sequel KOd my will to live

Running time: 94 minutes.PG-13 (martial arts violence and some language).

In theaters May 30.“Karate Kid: Legends” continues a grand old tradition.And I don’t mean that of one generation handing down ancient martial arts skills to the next.No, “Legends” is the latest in a long line of terrible “Karate Kid” movies.

A passing of the torch, such as it is, to the next inferior rip-off.None of the past five films can touch the 1984 original starring Ralph Macchio as Daniel and Pat Morita as Mr.Miyagi — the perfect high-school summer flick set to the soothing sounds of Bananarama. All of them since, save for the feel-good TV show “Cobra Kai,” have been: Wax on, turn off.That’s especially true of the embarrassing “Legends,” which tries and fails to futz with the established formula.The first of many, many questionable choices: This time, the title teen begins as a formidable fighter. Guess we can all go home then! Li Fong (Ben Wang) has trained in kung fu for years with Mr.

Han (Jackie Chan, back from the Jaden Smith one) in Beijing.But because of a past trauma, his mom demands that Li give up his passion.

So, she moves the family to New York City, a calm place that’s completely free of violence.When they arrive in a neighborhood along the L train that looks conspicuously like Montreal, director Jonathan Entwistle and screenwriter Rob Lieber treat a metropolis of 8 million like it’s Main Street, USA.Actors speak dialogue that was written in Crayola, and the events that unfold are unbearably hokey and fake.All the schoolkids, including throwaway villain Conor (a poor man’s Johnny), absurdly still hang out at the local dojo. Within days of getting his passport stamped, Li is accosted by his new bullies on the subway, a transit system ridden by 3.6 million people a day.He wanders into a retro pizzeria, straight outta Peoria, that’s owned by former boxer Victor (Joshua Jackson) and his daughter, Mia (Sadie Stanley) — flat, silly char...