Materialists review: Dakota Johnson goes from Madame Web to meh matchmaker

Running time: 116 minutes.Rated R (language and brief sexual material).

In theaters.Watching the new, unromantic, non-comedy “Materialists” can feel like going on a shaky first date.There’s something… off.Is it “Past Lives” writer-director Celine Song’s love-triangle script, which is unnatural and stilted even by the standard of rom-coms such as “Maid in Manhattan” or “Two Weeks Notice?”Or is it star Dakota Johnson’s stainless-steel ‘tude as New York matchmaker Lucy? The always cool actress is auditioning to play the Terminator here.If you answered “all of the above,” you’re correct.Yet our unease is partly by design.Song isn’t so much trying to join the romantic comedy canon as she is firing a cannonball directly at it. “Materialists” doesn’t make you laugh or smile.

Of this particular movie experience, Nicole Kidman might say, “We come to this place to ponder, analyze and wince.”I flipped from being intrigued by the mysterious characters and tantalized by the luxury real estate to sitting there perplexed by the weird plot escalations that, while meant to drag rom-coms down to earth, drag viewers out of the film instead.On rare occasions, I was entertained.At the start, the pieces are familiar to anybody who’s seen “The Wedding Planner” or “The Wedding Singer.” There’s Lucy, a love-averse young professional who’s obsessed with her job in the relationship biz.

Her sole criterion for her own future husband is that he be rich. Then — hello! — she meets a millionaire named Harry (Pedro Pascal) at a wedding at the Lotte Palace, and he sweeps her off her feet with his confidence and metal credit cards.Uh oh.

At the same fete, she also reunites with a poor but hot former flame named John (Chris Evans). Whoever will she pick?!The first half goes down as easily as a glass of 1990s bubbly, but there is an undercurrent of darkness.Song throws in cutting, albeit overwritten, observations about modern court...