What coffee are you based on your zodiac sign?

Let us celebrate the bean of inspiration, the stimulant of the masses and the lubricant of capitalism, that gut-stirring, muddy water gasoline, holding the future in its grounds and leaving expedited bowel movements in its wake, the patron cup of early mornings and all-night diners … coffee.Pour it out and drink it up, my dudes, as studies suggest consuming three cups of coffee a day can lead to a longer life, reducing the risk of early death by nearly 30%.Just as there are four elements to the universe itself and the zodiac wheel at large — fire, earth, air, and water — so, too, are there four components to a perfect cup of coffee: aroma, body, acidity, and flavor … and some would argue cat poop as a noble fifth, a point we’ll get to later.National Coffee Day is celebrated — or roasted and toasted, as it were — on Sept.29, with International Coffee Day falling on Oct.

1.In honor of those days, chains across the U.S.

are treating their customers to discounts on coffee and espresso-based drinks.As all zodiac signs have a corresponding power color, tequila, dessert, and signature scent, so too do they have a kind of coffee.Read on to learn which cup corresponds to your zodiac sign.Ever wanting to be better, faster, and never satisfied with anything other than first place, Aries is aided and abetted by the most high-octane cup of coffee under the sun.Brewed coffee bolstered with a shot of espresso? The closest to cocaine you are liable to get at Starbucks (unless it’s attached to a truck stop) and the full-steam, never-blink brew of choice for the ram contingent.For further evidence of this need for speed, see apex Aries Pedro Pascal’s violent, viral WHAT MANIAC DRINKS SIX ESPRESSO SHOTS OVER ICE Starbucks order.

Get some P … and by that, I mean heart palpitations.Leave it to decadence-as-defiance Taurus to gild the lily and add chocolate to coffee, the closest approximation of liquid dessert this side of Turin, the city that claims to have inven...