Michael review: Michael Jackson biopic is painfully bad

Running time: 127 minutes.Rated PG-13 (thematic material, language, smoking).

In theaters.This is it?How flabbergasting to see “Michael,” the new biopic about Michael Jackson, the best-selling solo artist of all time, crash and burn into such a cheap and embarrassing bore.Say what you will about Michael Jackson — and God knows there is plenty to say — he was not boring.And he had style.Not so for terrible “Michael,” though.

I ask the generally capable director Antoine Fuqua: Antoine, are you OK? Antoine, are you OK? Are you OK, Antoine?Yes, “Michael,” with a screenplay by a team of lawyers — sorry, by John Logan — is formulaic.Most musicians’ life stories onscreen are, and some, like “Elvis,” are still fantastic when shackled by those familiar constraints.   And, obviously, this is a gift-wrapped present to Jackson (and his oh-so-well-intentioned estate) that not only depicts the accused child molester as a squeaky clean hero, but sanctifies him. How to slap a halo on someone so scandalous? Have the movie abruptly stop during the “Bad” tour in 1988, years before any sexual abuse allegations were lodged against him.

“Michael” presents Jackson as totally flawless.A god from Gary. Here’s Jackson donating money to child burn victims. “I need to do more for them,” he says.

Yikes.Here he is in a toy store signing autographs for another group of kids.Yikes. In almost every moment of “Michael,” the King of Pop, played with panache and detail by his nephew Jaafar Jackson, is flashing a megawatt grin when he’s not staring longingly at his copy of “Peter Pan.” This Michael is perfect.That we’re getting a paint-by-numbers hagiography that follows his humble origins in 1960s Indiana all the way to his peak of global superstardom is assumed before the film starts.What I did not expect of the movie about arguably the greatest entertainer of all time, however, was that it would be so devoid of, um, entertainment. “...