Italian vacations are bellissima until its time to say Ciao!

Naples airport.Once 12 flights a day.

Every behind in every seat, probably even in the john.A Boeing 747.

So busy the airport could’ve started its own city.Bustling, although you can still buy fresh mozzarella that’s packed in Styrofoam to schlep home.This was to be a nonstop full plane to Newark.

214 passengers.The day is hot, sweaty.Some new registration of non-Europeans means passport control is now a good 90 minutes.

Probably some leftover order Mussolini stuck in his will.Behinds get into seats.

Purser gets on a mike.People know this is not a good sign and possibly worse than the coffee.Voice: “We’re assigned an unusually northern route over Iceland.

This means extra fuel.” Italian authorities don’t allow refueling with passengers aboard.“So buses are coming back to bring passengers to the terminal again.”Yeah, right.

Rumpled perspiring bodies line up.It’s broiling.

The aircraft could have run on perspiration alone.All lumber back to the ancient creaky bus that was possibly put together before the Edsel.

Few cool seats.Most cling to anything like it’s the L train to Canarsie.

25 minutes later it’s back aboard in sweaty seats.Comes another announcement.“Great news.

Also not such great news.We’re assigned a much quicker journey to the States.

Direct.Over Sardinia.

Over Barcelona.” The voice says: “The flight now will be nine hours.That’s the great news.

Not so great is we’ll have to circle 90 minutes to use up the extra fuel.But — pay attention.

You ready now? We were headed to Newark.We’re now going to Albany.” Albany?!This state’s capital did not look like the Via Veneto.So if you’re not schlepping overseas, try the Hamptons, which is now big with basketball, baseball, pickleball, football, handball, beach ball, Powerball, plus bras, butts, boobs, balls, behinds, burgers and beaches.

Also badminton.And — for one night only — Aug.

2, Edie Falco.Subscribe to our daily Post Opinion newsletter...