When Karen McNenny was facing divorce about 15 years ago, she was afraid of what it would mean for her future: despair, debt and a lifetime of resentment, she says.At the same time, she was thinking of her two children, she says.She didn't want their father to become her enemy.So she and her former husband chose to approach divorce differently as a couple.
"We're going to renovate and transform this family.We're not going to destroy it," she says.
"The marriage is ending, not your relationship."For McNenny, a mediator, certified divorce coach and certified co-parenting specialist, divorce is a tool, not a weapon.She expands on this concept in The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family, which came out this spring.
The book offers guidance on how to maintain compassionate and respectful ties with a former spouse while also healing and moving forward.According to Pew Research Center, a third of Americans who have ever been married had a first marriage that ended in divorce.For that reason, McNenny hopes her book becomes a must-read for couples before they get married.
"The best time to talk about divorce is before you need to talk about it," she says.She shared insights from her book in a conversation with Life Kit.This interview has been edited for length and clarity.The book is called The Good Divorce.
What does that mean?[For those with kids,] the good divorce is about protecting the future of the family while we dissolve the marriage.After the paperwork is done and the assets have been divided, can you and your co-parent sit on the same side of the bleachers during the basketball game? Can you still see yourselves as a partnership, with the ability to have thoughtful conversations about your kids?For those who don't have kids, [the good divorce is] about protecting your health — your mental health and your physical health.If we are doubling down with resentment and bitterness, all of that gets stored in the body and shows up in di...