Dear Abby: My mother secretly buried my dads ashes and left me out of his final goodbye
DEAR ABBY: After many years living near and helping my parents, I moved to another state to retire.My dad died three months after I moved.
I begged my mother to let me fly back and help her with his arrangements, but she insisted I stay put. Some weeks later, and two days after we had talked on the phone, she secretly buried my dad’s ashes without telling me.I was devastated to receive a pathetic video of her, my brother, and a priest conducting a private service.
Though she won’t admit it, I think she was punishing me for moving away.Mom is mentally ill and narcissistic, and there have been many betrayals before this one.As the eldest daughter, I appear to be her main target, and my siblings make excuses for her behavior.
(My brother said, “It wasn’t my job to call you.”) It has been two years, but she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.How do I get over this? I loved my dad so much.
— MISTREATED IN ARIZONADEAR MISTREATED: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your father.A step in the right direction for getting past this would be to remind yourself that your mother is mentally ill and narcissistic.
It appears from what you have told me that you have always been the scapegoat in the family, which may be why your brother didn’t alert you to what your mother was planning. Of course you loved your father.I am sure he loved you very much.
If you know where his ashes are interred, it might be a comfort to visit there.However, if you don’t know, I wouldn’t blame you for moving on with your life and spending it with people who appreciate you for the fine person you are.DEAR ABBY: I’ve known my wife for 22 years.
We had a lot of on and off during those years.The last time we got back together, we married.
It’s been almost five years now. Recently, we had an argument that has her not wanting me to touch her.She refuses to discuss the problem.
It feels like she hates me.When I asked if she wanted a divorce, she said, “I d...