New Yorkers, Christmas is around the corner heres some quips for St. Nick

SANTA-isms: Do your shopping now — before the prices go down.In the words of my friend: “No idea what gifts I’ll receive — but I know what I’m going to exchange this for.”Imagine if the Christmas story happened today.Those Three Wise Men would’ve gotten out of the stock market early.Santa’s not unique any longer.

Wild red outfit, boots, beard, crappy hair, bag on his shoulder, practically does no work.You know how many teenagers today look the same? Another thing, new house chimneys are narrow.

His behind is not.Forget the stomach.

The old guy needs a shot of Ozempic.So this 6-year-old was asked what he wanted for Christmas this year.The kid answered: “Nothing.

I’ll use my charge card.”Russia also has Santas in their department stores. Difference is, you sit on Santa’s lap and he tells you what you’re getting.The definition of Christmas happiness: An Atlantic City craps table that takes gift certificates.So on their shopping day this cheapskate went into a shopping mall with his wife.He left his child alone and the carriage for someone to mind.

As the family began to leave, the wife screamed: “That’s not our child!” Cheapo husband: “Shut up.This is a much better carriage.”Stingy? He’s even waiting for the Bible to come out in paperback.NYC business guys can’t win nowadays.

Do something wrong, he’s fined.Do something right, he’s taxed.We know many New York people have money to burn.

Why not? It’s cheaper than gas.One manufacturer continued working weekends without ever taking a vacation.His doctor asked: “Why work so hard only to make more money?”The man answered: “It’s just to see if there’s some income my wife can’t live beyond.”Rich? He has a sleep-in banker.

His wallet is carry-on.His dog is a mink.And in terms of holiday shopping in New York City, forget traffic.

Forget gridlock.Forget bumper to bumper.

A sign on Fifth Avenue says: “No stopping, no standing, no parking, no picking up, n...