Not every role deserves an Oscar even Harrison Ford has gotten panned by critics

After a week of Oscars and their tricks, comes now a collection of others and their shticks:Brad Pitt, of whom you may have heard once, asked to play a role in director Guy Ritchie’s “Snatch.” But Pitt couldn’t master Turkish’s London accent so instead he got One Punch Mickey.Helena Bonham Carter on Brad in “Fight Club”: “Mostly I couldn’t understand what he’s saying.He speaks in his own street voice.

I think it’s his own Brad language.”Hugh Jackman: “Before I did ‘X-Men’ I’d never heard of a ‘wolverine.’ In Canada, a guy with a Wolverine tattoo started to strangle me saying he couldn’t understand me.I said, ‘I’m Australian,’ and he finally let me go.

Needless to say I did not hang around for more groceries.I just ran for the exit.”As told on E!: “Takes three months of intense classes to permanently lose an accent. Julia Roberts lost her slightly Southern accent so completely she had to take dialect classes to get it back for ‘Steel Magnolias.’ ”Harrison Ford plays Russian Alexei Vostrikov in “K-19: The Widowmaker.” A New Yorker review: “He sounds like the same sound your lawnmower makes when it runs over a rubber ball.”Michael Jackson asked by Oprah about the Elephant Man’s bones: “Ridiculous stupid story went around that I tried to buy the Elephant Man’s bones.

No! I saw myself in the story and it made me cry . . .but I had never asked for them.

Where am I going to put some bones?”In 1995’s “Mighty Aphrodite,” Mira Sorvino’s accent was so inconsistent she was amazed Woody Allen let it go through post production.But then she won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress with that unusual sound — so who knows?Years before an attack onstage, Salman Rushdie: “The irritating media calls me a vain Hollywood actor because I had eyelid surgery.

It was medically necessary.But then rumors developed that I wanted to be an actor.

No! I am a novelist not an actor.”Matt D...