Its almost time to celebrate Americas 250th birthday but lets not forget its greatest city

Happy birthday, America.July Fourth, we are 250 years old.And congratulations to Mrs.

Pelosi and her hairdresser who were probably around here right from the beginning.And look at New York’s progress.When the foreign Dutchmen arrived, they spoke lousy English and wore shloompy pants.

Today walk on the street and get what? Everyone’s speaking lousy English and wearing shloompy pants.New York — America’s first capital, land that we love — is still the place of opportunity.Everybody can become a taxpayer.Thanks to babbling Zero Crapdammy our citizens might now wear this year’s clothes and live on next year’s earnings.Old? Please.

Even our TV news anchors’ hairpieces have turned gray.Even Gracie Mansion, which shipowner Archibald Gracie built in 1799, is getting on.

Even our former Gov.Eliot Spitzer now possibly maybe could be peels off his long black socks during sex.So how did the mightiest city on Earth begin?Since I was there at the start, I know.

1664 to honor the Duke of York it became the province of New York.We do not confuse this with England’s bad boy the current Duke of York who just got bumped and now isn’t.

So forget him.Our old beginning New York was unclean disorderly — unlike today’s modern unclean disorderly New York.But the Dutch trappers were aging, they no longer wanted their beaver pelt cash stashed inside wooden shoes.

They needed stuff unloaded.Money.

Guilders.So to navigate this new land came streets.

Straight lines.Forget Broadway, which is as straight as a few of its commissioners.

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Never miss a story.Of course they didn’t think of traffic, bicycles, deliveries, ambulances, visiting presidents, double-parked cars, cranes.

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