The invisible issue sabotaging couples sex lives, according to expert

Time for some more hanky panky.If how your partner suggests sex gives you the ick, experts say it might not be the death knell of attraction but a symptom of a more subtle kind of sabotage.The cues, physical touch, or verbal expressions couples use to signal to their partner that they want to get it on can be an absolute turn-off, undermining both sexual intimacy and overall connection.“Sexual initiation is an invisible issue,” licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin told The Post.“Couples don’t always fight about it openly; they just slowly stop reaching for each other.”Marin estimates that 83% of couples are either avoiding initiation, doing it badly, or feeling hurt by it regularly.“Before long, there’s this low-grade distance between them.

It’s one of the most damaging issues in long-term relationships,” she explained.According to Marin, bad sexual initiation is born from a fear of rejection.“If you don’t fully put yourself out there, it doesn’t hurt as much when you’re turned down,” she explained.However, that fear can manifest as half-hearted hints, indirect communication, mumbled suggestions of “doing it,” and the dreaded “boob honk” that can make sex feel more like an obligation or a transaction than an expression of true desire.“Nobody wants to have sex with someone who can’t properly state what they want,” she underscoredMarin, who is also the author of the best-selling intimacy guide “Sex Talks,” says that while bad initiation may seem like a momentary annoyance, the long-term consequences are much greater, leading to less sex and a decline in connectedness.“How a couple handles initiation tells you a lot about how they handle vulnerability,” said Marin.

“If one partner is always pursuing and the other is always deflecting, that same dynamic almost always shows up in hard conversations, in asking for help, and in expressing needs outside of sex.”Marin notes that pop culture has problematically taught u...