Dear Abby: My husband cheated and blames me

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years.The week we were to celebrate our 34th anniversary, he invited a female friend to our vacation home for an overnight rendezvous.

He was unaware that our adult children had placed a trail cam in the woods – and he was caught red-handed.He was called out for his behavior, forcing him to tell me. I was shocked but not surprised at this.

I believe they’d been having an emotional affair for many years.I had warned him that he was getting sucked in and that it could be costly to his career, but he did it anyway. After it happened, I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me and to apologize to our children.

He did neither.I went to counseling for six months.

We are still married and live under the same roof.What the affair did was open my eyes wide to the person he is – a liar, cheater and betrayer.

I see all of his faults, and I don’t like him.He isn’t a nice person.

He also blamed me for his cheating. I’m not sure I can be married to him any longer.Cheaters think they are only cheating on their spouse.

Actually, they cheat on the whole family.I don’t think he is sorry for his behavior.

I have much invested in the marriage and I’m retired.I am not sure I can start over.

I’m also not sure I can live being so desperately unhappy.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I have suffered mental anguish for too long.— DESTROYED IN WISCONSINDEAR DESTROYED: You have a lot to figure out.

That’s why it’s time for you to go back to your therapist (or find a new one) for help in determining how you want to live the rest of your life.From what you have written, you now live with a nasty man you no longer trust or respect who blames you for his cheating. As you enter therapy, please line up appointments with several attorneys who specialize in family law.

These individuals can educate you about what your rights are as a wife of 35 years in Wisconsin, which, I believe, is a comm...