Dear Abby: My husband blames everyone but himself for his problems
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 10 years.Ever since I have known him, he has had issues with depression and anxiety.
I have tried to support him through these diagnoses. He has attempted to go to therapy several times, but he never sticks with it.Once the therapist gets to the point where they start to get into what he needs to work on, he quits.
He claims no one understands what he is going through.This has impacted every aspect of his life — sleep, eating habits and his controlling attitude toward me.
He also works out excessively (like five hours a day). It has also affected his ability to enjoy life and his job.He takes a lot of time off work, claiming he needs the rest, but he doesn’t rest.
He does other things.When I say he needs to go to work like everybody else, he gets mad.
His employer is now on his case for excessive absences.He refuses to take responsibility and says his employer is “targeting him.” Nothing is ever his fault.
There is always an excuse. This has greatly affected our marriage and his relationships with our two children, who really want their dad around, but he is not.I am a counselor.
I see narcissistic tendencies in his behavior.I love him very much, and he has not always been like this.
I don’t want to quit on him, but I don’t know what to do.I can’t continue to live like this, and I need to help our children live their best lives.
Please help.— LIKE A SINGLE PARENT IN NEW MEXICODEAR SINGLE PARENT: I am sure that, as a therapist, you realize you can’t help someone who refuses to be helped.
It is time to put the welfare of your children first.Give your husband an ultimatum: Get help for his issues and stick with it, or you are leaving and taking the children with you.
The atmosphere you have described is unhealthy for them and for you as well.P.S.As I’m sure you are aware, some counselors have therapists.
Please consider enlisting some emotional support for yourself as you make your way ...