Penis debate continues to rage as Bayeux Tapestry returns to UK for first time in over 1,000 years

It’s a real battle of the bulge.The iconic Bayeux Tapestry was returned home to the UK for the first time in nearly 1,000 years, calling attention to a long-running debate over how many penises are depicted in this magnum opus.The 230-foot artifact, which was woven in the UK in the 11th century but had been moved to Bayeux, Normandy shortly after its creation, was whisked 350 miles from France to the British Museum overnight on July 10 during a top secret operation, the BBC reported.“We’ve just witnessed something rather extraordinary,” declared the institution’s director Nick Cullinan, who was present for its arrival via crate along with the French ambassador to the UK.The tapestry depicts 58 scenes events leading up to the Battle of Hastings and Norman Conquest of England in 1066 — a pivotal moment that reshaped the country’s ruling class, transformed the national language from English to French and bound the two countries closer together.However, there’s another NSFW aspect of the masterwork that has aroused scholars’ curiosity — its preponderance of phalluses.

For many years, a debate has raged on the number of penises depicted in the not-safe-for-artwork, evoking an X-rated “I Spy” book of sorts.Professor George Garnett, a medieval history expert at Oxford University who claims to be the first to tally the tapestry’s tallywackers, claimed that he counted 93 in a 2018 article for “History Extra.”Five belonged to men, per the piece, while a whopping 88 were equine with Norman leader William the Conqueror’s steed boasting the most massive member of all.

“To the best of my knowledge, no-one has yet tallied the number of penises,” Garnett bragged.However, this number was disputed last year by Dr.Christopher Monk, a self-proclaimed medieval scholar and expert on Anglo-Saxon nudity, who claimed he counted one more on a running man in a tunic — potentially putting the total at 94.“I am in no doubt that the appendage is a depi...