Dear Abby: My boyfriend wants a baby, but I want my freedom

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Adam,” and I have been together for four years.We are very much in love and share similar views on most things.

We agree that a marriage license is just a piece of paper and our relationship is already a marriage, so we don’t need one. We have also discussed the idea of having children in the future, and we agreed we didn’t want any.I have never had the drive to be a mother, although I have been told I would make an excellent one.

Even Adam has said it.But we both have been adamant that we don’t want children.

We love our freedom way too much (or at least I do), not to mention the finances involved, and we want to travel a lot. Because I can no longer take birth control, I have been considering tying my tubes.Adam volunteered to get a vasectomy because he said he doesn’t want me to go in for surgery.

Well, this week he confessed that he hasn’t gone through with it because he’s scared and he still might want a baby. Adam has flip-flopped back and forth over the last two years about having or not having a child, while I have stayed firm on not wanting any.Should I consider having a child if that’s what he wants? I love him.

He’s the man I see myself growing old with, and I don’t want to break his heart.— PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIADEAR PERPLEXED: Parenthood is a joy that should be embarked upon because you sincerely want a child, not to please your boyfriend.

The truth is that motherhood is a lifetime responsibility.It doesn’t end when the child turns 21.

I implore you not to make such an important decision to please anyone but yourself, because if something happened to Adam, you would have to raise that child alone. There are other options besides birth control medications you should discuss with your doctor.Unless you are absolutely certain you want to become a mother, you should utilize them religiously. As to a marriage license “just being a piece of paper,” let me point out that it is much more than...