Dear Abby: My brother-in-law cut off the family but still expects his parents to bankroll his lifestyle
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s brother, “Hank,” has estranged himself from the family.He’s married with two children but has little to no contact with his mom, dad, stepdad, sister, brother (my husband) or any of his nieces and nephews — except when he calls his parents asking for money.On the rare occasions I have seen him, his wife refuses to participate in any family gatherings, dinners or even photos.
There’s always a string of excuses or obvious lies, and none of us can understand why they have chosen to stay so distant.It’s painful and confusing. Since becoming part of this family, I have watched Hank manipulate situations to get what he wants.
He is extremely persuasive and plays the victim well.He is caught in a cycle of being unable to keep a job while trying to maintain a lifestyle far beyond his means. I do have some sympathy, because it’s clear there are deeper issues behind his behavior, but the pattern of drifting in and out of our lives — especially my in-laws’ — has become exhausting.
They’ve finally reached the point where they’re no longer willing to give him money, but I worry about the future. As my in-laws continue to age and potentially become more vulnerable, I fear Hank will find new ways to take advantage of them.I love them, and it has been painful watching them be used and hurt for so many years.
Is there anything I can do? — CONFLICTED IN MISSOURIDEAR CONFLICTED: Manipulating older folks to get them to fork over money is called elder abuse, and there are laws against it.Although it may be a bit premature (as your in-laws are still mentally competent), it couldn’t hurt for you and your husband to consult an attorney who specializes in elder law and discuss your concerns, because crimes like this happen too often.** ** **DEAR READERS: As anyone who reads “Dear Abby” knows, I have always stressed the importance of writing thank-you notes.
It is now time for me to put pen to paper.I have always considered y...