Dear Abby: A memorial is for paying your last respects, but I have no respect for him

DEAR ABBY: My brother “Earl” and I always had a very bad relationship.When I was 6 and Earl was 13, he molested me.

Actually, he took my virginity.My mother caught him but whipped both of us and told me I should have known better than to allow it to happen.

Fast-forward to when I was 17.I woke up to find him lying in bed with me, stroking my face.

I screamed for my mother, who said, “Oh, he probably came home drunk or something.”Earl was never nice to me; even on his deathbed, he yelled at me for forgetting to take his house keys to my other brother, as his daughter asked me to do.A few weeks later, I forgave him for everything he did to me, but the last time I saw him alive, I still felt his hatred toward me.There is a memorial planned, and I’m not sure I want to attend.

I’m the youngest of seven; some of my siblings know the history and have witnessed the animosity between us.Part of me wants to go because Earl was my brother, and part of me is afraid if I don’t, my siblings will hold it against me.

Another part of me feels a memorial is to pay your last respects to the deceased, and I have no respect for Earl.I don’t know what to do. — VICTIMIZED IN GEORGIADEAR VICTIMIZED: From what you have written, Earl seems more like an emotional and sexual abuser than a brother.

Your siblings have no right to give you a hard time if you skip the memorial.Remind them of how he treated you and how much you suffered for it if that fact has slipped their minds.You should do whatever makes you comfortable, and if listening to your angry, abusive pervert of a brother eulogized would make you uncomfortable, stay away.Because you didn’t get counseling at the time he assaulted you, you might benefit from discussing your family history with a licensed therapist.

To find one, contact an organization called RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network).Its toll-free phone number is 1-800-656-4673 and its website is rainn.org.DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old is e...