Dear Abby: I want to find out what happened in my estranged friends death

DEAR ABBY: My friend “Ben” and I had many ups and downs in our 30-year friendship.Three years ago, we had one of our periodic blowouts and stopped speaking.

I found out recently that he passed away a year later, and I was never informed.The obituary I found online does not mention a cause of death. I wrote a letter of condolence to his wife, but it was returned, and I found out that she moved away from the house where she and Ben had been living.

I would like to know what happened to my friend, as he was only in his early 50s.Although we were not speaking at the time of his death, we had many years of friendship under our belts, and I cared about him.

I found a Facebook page for his wife, but this seems an impersonal way of reaching out on such a sober topic.Any suggestions? — CARED FOR HIM IN THE SOUTHDEAR CARED: If you and Ben had mutual friends, a way to find out the information you’re looking for, including his widow’s address, might be through them.

Do it privately.To approach her online asking for the details of his death would be off-putting, insensitive and possibly hurtful in light of the fact that you were estranged at the time of his death.** ** **DEAR ABBY: My 63rd birthday is coming up.

I do not like celebrating my birthday and never have.I would prefer that the day be ignored.

I know my wife of almost 38 years, our two boys and their significant others are planning something. I would prefer they spend the money on themselves or at least donate it to some worthy charity rather than spend it on me.Given that birthdays are important to them, must I just grin and bear it, or should I say something and risk causing ill will? — OLDER IN ISRAELDEAR OLDER: Surely your wife, who has been with you for nearly four decades, knows your feelings on this subject.

Tell her you know something is afoot, and gently mention that you would prefer that the celebration be kept small.Name the charity of your choice, and tell her you hope the birthday bud...