Dear Abby: Do I have to spend the holidays with my family?

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single male who’s happy with his life, with plenty of friends and family.My issue is what I endure during the holidays.

Every year, I’m invited over to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I look forward to seeing family that I only see once or twice a year. These get-togethers usually consist of 15 to 25 people.Yet, other than having the chance to say hello and goodbye, everyone breaks into cliques while I sit there the whole time with no one ever showing any interest in engaging in conversation with me.

I’ve reached the point where this isolation has me feeling depressed and lonely even though I’m surrounded by people. I’ve come to realize I’d be happier spending the holidays by myself.Would it be wrong to start declining these invitations and politely explain why? I mentioned this to family members in the past, and they’ve acknowledged the issue, but it continues to happen every time.

— INVISIBLE IN THE CROWDDEAR INVISIBLE: You are in charge of your own destiny.You don’t have to sit on the sofa watching the rest of the guests socialize with each other.

You could get up, walk over to the various groups and attempt to join the conversation.You could also go to these gatherings for a short time to wish your relatives a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc., and then leave to do something with friends or return home.

As to explaining your absence to your hosts, it’s not necessary to state your reason for skipping the event.DEAR ABBY: My maid of honor and I aren’t seeing eye to eye on my bridal shower.I was clear about not wanting a surprise shower and about my wish to be kept informed about the preparation.

She had decided to plan a surprise shower with a guest list of only 20 people.When she found out I wanted one with about 40 people (I have a large family and a moderate number of close friends), she got upset.

She said I shouldn’t be involved at all in the planning and that it’s not proper etique...