Dear Abby: Im my families chamber of secrets. Should I open up the gates and reveal all?
DEAR ABBY: There are two significant secrets in my family, and as I’m a member of the oldest generation and likely in my last decade, I wonder if they should see the light of day. The first involves my cousin.He’s a year older than I am and doesn’t know he was adopted.
My older sister was 10 when his parents brought him home.She remembers it vividly, and my mother and I talked about it from time to time.
My cousin has led a challenged life of addiction and estrangement.He blames his parents and “inherited characteristics” for many of his problems — his mother’s addiction to anxiety meds, his father’s poor eyesight, etc.
Should I share with him what I know? The second secret involves my first wife.We divorced 40 years ago, and although we don’t talk, our two children are a prominent part of my life.
My ex lives a life of isolation.She is angry and has difficult relations with everyone.
What I know is that she had a baby while in high school and gave it up for adoption.I suspect that her guilt about it has caused her withdrawal and alienation from everyone in her family.
Should I share with our children that they have an older half-sibling? — KEEPER OF SECRETSDEAR KEEPER: I think the answers to your questions are yes and no.I do think it might help your cousin if you told him the truth about his adoption, in case he might like to contact any living birth relatives to get an accurate family history or medical history. However, as far as revealing your first wife’s secret, I don’t think it would be wise, kind or helpful to out her to your children.
She was a minor at the time, and her parents may have been responsible for what happened to her child.Rather than being consumed with guilt or shame, she may still be mourning the loss of that baby.DEAR ABBY: My parents had three kids.
The oldest is married with five kids.The second is married with two kids.
The third is single, has mild autism and has trouble meeting people.Our parents do...