Dear Abby: Our niece keeps leaving us hanging because she cant stay on schedule
DEAR ABBY: We live 500 miles from our nearest relatives, but a niece is attending a university about 50 miles away.We invite her to join us for holidays and weekends, and sometimes she asks to visit to escape from roommate drama. We love having her, but she often says she’s coming at one time only to arrive hours or days later.
Last time, she told us she was coming on Friday afternoon and didn’t show up until Sunday afternoon (she does keep us updated). We have busy lives and often set aside our regular activities to shop for special meals or make reservations for activities to do with her.Instead, we end up sitting home because our other activities were canceled to spend time with her.Her parents, when they travel to this area, also do this or expect us to travel to meet them within about 100 miles, but they keep changing the plans, so our schedules are disrupted.
They try to cram so many things into a day that visits to a special place are often pushed to the end of the day, and we must rush through before closing. When we visit them, they rarely alter their plans for us and seem surprised when we show up on time.Sometimes, we have to wait hours for them to come home when we agreed on our time of arrival.
We love spending time with them, but this just makes us feel used.I don’t know how to express this to them without alienating them.
— ON SCHEDULE IN CALIFORNIADEAR ON SCHEDULE: What boorish, disrespectful relatives you have been catering to.Worse, they have passed their disregard for the feelings of others along to their daughter.
You are long overdue for a conversation with that niece, informing her that if she can’t show up on the agreed-upon date, she should cancel rather than leaving you hanging for two days.Make sure she understands that you won’t be home if she arrives hours late. Deliver a similar message to her parents.
If you are left waiting for more than 30 minutes (and I think that’s generous), you will carry on without them or...