Being Santa Claus requires a lot of patience and a little bit of padding

It’s weeks before Christmas and all through the house — no gifts have arrived.Not even a blouse!To get into the Christmas spirit, I spoke with R. David Robinson.

The R is for Robert.A onetime waiter, he quick learned he could make lots more bread by being an entertainer, and so he became a Santa who does private events and even works Carnegie Hall.

Here’s his Santa-izing:“I speak with a lower register.I ask them to tell me in my ear what they want.

Kids today want electronics, a guitar, cell phone.They’re into technology.

They ask for some things I don’t even understand.I mean, what’s a 4-year-old know? They talk of things I don’t even understand.“If I need the john I go before — then after — never during.

The kids are good.So far none have peed on my lap.

My wardrobe has belly padding.My suit and beard are custom made.“I was also the Santa Claus after 9/11.

I hugged them.I gave the children time.

They needed it.I kept quiet about what they’ve just gone through.

They’d waited all year to see Santa Claus.I have children myself.

I know children.When I left waiting tables I knew I had to support my children and so bit by bit I turned into doing these private events.“I learned to do other corporate work.

Like at Easter and for the Red Cross.I worked once at the Friars for some special evening.

And you and your husband were there.And I’ve learned that Santa doesn’t go Ho-ho-ho.

It’s really oh-oh-oh.”This Mr.Claus, in his off hours, does pilates.

This way he can shimmy down that chimney.One more question: Why Dec.25? One answer: It’s one of the shortest days.

Others say it might’ve been Jesus’ birth date.Another’s “because it’s the birth date of the pagan invisible sun” — and what all that means I don’t understand altogether.

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