In increasingly absurd world of college sports, some sanity is a must
Welcome to the 2040 Dubai Bowl, featuring UCLA and Michigan in a battle of tradition-rich college football teams.The Bruins hail from the new Four Corners Conference, which only allows membership to schools a minimum of 3,000 miles apart.The Wolverines are now part of the It Just Means A Whole Lot More Conference, a collection of 24 teams plucked from what was once the Power Four conferences.Both teams will arrive via next-gen Space X transport, after the starship takes them on an orbit of the moon.The guaranteed purse for each team is $100 million, with an oil well going to the respective starting quarterbacks.Swag bags include certificates for five free nights in a Burj Khalifa penthouse and Bitcoin featuring an Arabian oryx.Media will be allowed to conduct interviews with a select number of players appearing via hologram — at a cost of $10,000 for each session lasting no more than five minutes.
Priority will be given to players in their 25th and final season of eligibility.We apologize for all the opt-outs.To meet roster minimum requirements, alumni from each institution, incoming transfers and anyone who digs the school colors have been granted eligibility.There’s plenty at stake besides a first-round victory in the recently expanded, 64-team College Football Playoff and a bowl trophy made of 24-karat gold and flawless diamonds.
The winning team gets its accumulated athletics department debt — approaching $1 billion at each school — wiped off the books.Understandably, ticket sales have not been brisk given the distance from the respective fan bases, but there should be plenty of noise inside The Sevens Stadium.A jeering section is expected to include fans of Michigan State, which relocated to nearby Abu Dhabi in 2035 to ensure its NIL coffers could stay competitive with those of its rivals.By halftime, there could be an update on the Protect College Sports Act that continues to inch its way through Congress.Think all this sounds absurd?Imagine what th...